In China, heartbreak has become a business—and Elizabeth Lo’s gripping new documentary, Mistress Dispeller, pulls back the curtain on a shadowy profession few outside the country have ever seen. The film follows real-life “mistress dispellers”: hired professionals who specialize in dismantling extramarital affairs, often using psychological tactics, deception, and emotional manipulation to break up illicit relationships.
What Is a ‘Mistress Dispeller’?
A mistress dispeller is typically hired by a wronged spouse—usually a wife—who suspects or knows her husband is involved with another woman. Rather than confront the couple directly or pursue legal action (which offers limited recourse in China’s civil code), she turns to a third party trained to infiltrate, destabilize, and ultimately terminate the affair.
These operatives don’t use violence. Instead, they rely on charm, fabricated backstories, and emotional pressure. Some pose as potential lovers to the mistress; others impersonate debt collectors or family members. Their goal? To make the affair so unbearable that it collapses from within.
Elizabeth Lo’s Unflinching Lens
Acclaimed filmmaker Elizabeth Lo (Dogtown Redemption, Stray) spent over a year embedded with several dispellers across Chinese cities like Guangzhou and Chengdu. What emerges in Mistress Dispeller isn’t just a portrait of marital betrayal—but a meditation on gender, power, and the commodification of emotional labor in modern China.
“The film doesn’t judge,” Lo told The New York Times. “It observes. And in that observation, you see how women are forced to become architects of their own survival in a system that offers them few legal or social protections.”
Why This Industry Exists in China
While infidelity exists everywhere, China’s unique social and legal landscape has fueled demand for this niche service:
- Weak legal recourse: Divorce laws don’t penalize adultery, and alimony is rare.
- Stigma against divorce: Especially for women over 35, divorce can mean social and economic marginalization.
- Rise of the “bao er nai”: Literally “second wife,” this term refers to mistresses often kept by wealthy men—a phenomenon normalized in certain business circles.
- Digital anonymity: Dating apps and encrypted messaging make affairs easier to hide—and harder to prove.
As a result, many wives see hiring a mistress dispeller not as revenge, but as the only viable path to restoring family stability.
Behind the Scenes: A Day in the Life
One dispeller featured in the film, who goes by the alias “Ms. Lin,” describes her process:
“I study the mistress for weeks—her social media, her routines, her vulnerabilities. Then I become the person she needs most: a confidante, a rival, or even a mirror of her own guilt. Most affairs crumble under truth… or the illusion of it.”
The film captures tense phone calls, staged encounters in shopping malls, and tearful confrontations—all filmed with Lo’s signature observational style. There are no reenactments, no voiceover narration—just raw, intimate access.
Ethical Questions and Global Relevance
Mistress Dispeller has sparked debate far beyond China. Critics question whether such tactics amount to emotional espionage. Supporters argue it’s a form of grassroots justice in a patriarchal system.
What’s undeniable is the film’s humanity. Lo gives equal weight to the pain of the wife, the complexity of the mistress (often young, economically vulnerable women themselves), and the moral ambiguity of the dispellers.
As one viewer noted after a screening in Toronto: “It’s not about cheating. It’s about who gets to control the narrative of love—and who gets erased from it.”
